Imitation of Life

Since a committed actor must always be willing to go wherever his character leads him, not recognizing his own reflection in the mirror is hardly the first sign of having undergone significant change. What a pity that a journey blindly taken to the darkest of final destinations may never again be retraced back to the brightest of original departures. This is true of any dramatic transformation where the greatest risk of becoming someone else is entirely losing sight of the fine person you were before. For someone, who never truly wanted to be no one other than himself, this can bring about an almost suicidal penance of the most excrutiating kind. Those who wear too many masks may one day come to forget the true semblance of their own faces.

Becoming a stranger to yourself and all your closest friends can certainly be an awakening experience, galvanizing the actor into searching the deepest recesses of his heart, mind, and soul for answers. Like the mythological figure Icarus, who ventured too far from home and too close to the sun, there is something to be said about learning how to fly with burnt wings. Though distance always provides a perspective that proximity so often denies, it also precludes some of us from being of greater service to those always so far away but close. Even if losing sight of whom we really are can empower us to assume different identities and play various roles, actors must always be careful about the characters we intend to become, never to fight monsters by first becoming monsters ourselves.

Long after the dramatic performance is over, the tragedy of becoming imprisoned within the character can never be overstated. It has often been known to destroy family life, compromise relationships, undermine careers, unleash overwhelming violence, lead to substance abuse and even bring about an untimely tragic death. Despite this inhumane toll exacted on the most talented actors, domineering directors are brazenly overtaken by an almost uncontrollable desire to dictate their performance, immediately compelling the boldest and most sensitive of actors to repudiate any authoritarian direction along these lines. Although some movie stars may dastardly prefer to be bound in chains by these unforgiving slave masters, said actors are never the apex predators freely hunting for prey.

If bearing the full weight of his performance, the freedom to fight at will would only be the most reasonable of demands an actor could ever make before fatefully deploying off to war. When all is left on the line, the spiritual forces conjured are free to command body, mind, heart and soul, recreating a new reality while never defying the audience's most sensible suspension of disbelief. If merely playing a part is for delusional neophytes, breathing life into a real character is the masterful work of a true thespian. How an actor's religion and accompanying moral values viscerally play a role in the artistic performance is one of the many arcane secrets of the dramatic craft, something only the spiritually initiated are ever free to roam and explore.

In a world of endless drama, incessant intrigue and even some occasional comedy, where so many of us are recurrently summoned to act, earning the priceless freedom to play our leading roles has often proven to be a truly cathartic experience, one solely to be exercised with the requisite measure of accompanying responsibility. Given the existential stakes of this artistic endeavor, the successful actor par excellence must be willing to invest all of himself. Only by committing our whole physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual beings into the artistic performance can we truly rise to the dramatic and comedic occasion, vanquishing all obstacles along the way while living up to our full potential. Since the true path of mystery leads inwards, cultivating self-awareness has also proven absolutely essential. When all seems lost, find yourself.

This transfixing emotional experience implies a complete existential surrender never cravenly to be entertained or lightly undertaken. Since the only real truth to be found in acting solely resides within ourselves, the original asking price for those offering to sell their souls rarely exceeds the true value commanded in eternity. In this strict regard, I can only speak for myself. Despite all the significant hardship indomitably experienced throughout the years, an adamant refusal to sell my soul was the main reason to have rejected all the financially rewarding opportunities insistently offered. While remaining forever loyal and faithful to all that merited my most sincere love in life, dying for a distant dream has often proven to be a living nightmare.

When playing a role only to become someone else, it's nearly impossible to be loved for whom you really are. Though you may never entirely lose track of your true nature, it's relatively easy to assume a new persona only to satisfy public demand and professional etiquette. So long as lying to oneself as to others remains a lucrative skill in manifold professions, acting shall forever remain an ubiquitous endeavor, one religiously undertaken by the most disparate groups of people from the most diverse walks of life. If the world's a stage and we must each play our parts, anyone who dreams of professional success shall eventually feel compelled to embrace acting. As an indispensable means of survival, acting even empowered a glorified few to bask in the warmth emanating from the social bonfire of vanities.

Though the real tragedy is to forget whom we really are, it's always best to live for our dreams than to die for our nightmares. Those who long to play the most versatile roles imaginable must often pay a hefty price for this privilege, learning to perceive life through increasingly different perspectives. This can lead actors to question their own personal values, many times even adopting a new political, social, economic, artistic, sexual and spiritual outlook on life, relating in entirely new ways to this beautiful, albeit tragic world around us. But many of these changes, so often ascribed to personal growth, may sometimes irreversibly transfigure the actor's former self, not always for the best. Lovers, family, colleagues and friends are usually the first ones to feel entirely alienated by this most unwelcome change of character and habits, often bringing them only grief for the spiritual loss of a loved one.

Those unable to abandon a role may one day realize their original self has long been disfigured well beyond any spiritual redemption, emotional relief and rational recognition. At times, the same transformative journey that led an actor to become his character may never again be successfully reversed. Failure to tread this perfidious course will hardly be appreciated by close ones who truly loved the actor solely for his original self, not for any lingering role played. Personal estrangement being one of the many consequences of this physical, emotional and spiritual transformation, many are the interpersonal relationships made to suffer well beyond repair. Sometimes forced to tread in dark places where even our shadows cannot follow, an actor should be willing to fight for his dreams while also being entirely cognizant of the many pitfalls involved.

Always to believe in our dreams because nightmares have also been known to come true, never would some of us knowingly embark on such a dark journey where a seemingly hopeful departure would lead us only to the most accursed of infernal destinations. With the unforgiving passage of the years, solely being able to defend what we sincerely love most in life is how some of us have come to redefine the true meaning of success. Since personal acclaim has long remained the leading cause of death in some professions, much can still be said about the humble embrace of a quietly anonymous life. Just as masterful art so often imitates the beauty of life, the living have also drawn great inspiration from its majestic splendor. Perhaps the greatest of all artistic performances are always the most original imitations of life. 

Deeply inspired by the breathtaking beauty of this world, many are the actors who become physically transfigured and inwardly transformed for a given role. Though an articulate study of life may serve as the original point of departure for this artistic metamorphosis, little is ever said of the spiritual forces at play. Especially when filming supposedly fictional stories that are actually based on true events, something much more prevalent than openly revealed, the spirits of the dead have been know to incarnate in the living, making for artistic performances that border on the transcendental. Usually reliant on some form of demonology, both Heaven and Hell have been known to meddle in the artistic affairs of men, immeasurably enriching the myriad cinematic life stories about him told.

But true as this spiritual interaction has always been, many are the experienced professionals who still have an exiguous understanding of the ancient spirituality of acting. In fact, only very rarely would the conjurer of the spiritual forces in question be the actor himself. Since our eyes have been known to reveal many of the secrets our lips are unwilling to disclose, this primary gateway to the soul can sometimes unveil which spiritual forces are serving any given actor at any given time. No wonder the greatest conjurer and swearer to have ever worked for the seventh art was never publicly revealed. Having freely rendered his services from a safe distance, only a pure love for the art form ever instigated him to accompany so many actors, directors and producers for nearly half a century, always free of charge.

Above and beyond any financial considerations, it was the pure love for filmmaking that passionately inspired cinephiles such as myself to so closely appreciate the work of other like-minded artists. While being in a capacity to help many of those who shared a similar commitment, their success has also been my own. Though some may object that living vicariously leaves much to be desired, only when forced to stay in character for prolonged periods of time was this even remotely true. Never having absolute control over the spiritual forces conjured for any given performance, there is certainly something to be said about exorcising your personal demons from time to time. A sudden, unexpected death should never be the ultimate price paid for a convincing imitation of life, especially when every end is just a new beginning.

Although the true significance of these words could best be attested and exemplified with the real life stories of so many of the most talented actors involved, doing so would only impinge upon their privacy and adversely compromise their professional careers, often divulging secrets of the craft never meant to be publicly revealed. For these and many other reasons, the veil of secrecy always to enshroud this most spiritual of artistic crafts shall remain hereby unlifted. As a labor of love now spanning several decades, my humble contribution to this most exhilarating of art forms was never before openly disclosed, at least not in any written or spoken language aptly suitable to human communication. Sometimes the less we say, the more we are. Prudence in discretion is one of the main reasons we have always to ourselves remained true.

This disclaimer must be clearly made so as to avoid any unnecessary misunderstandings that could possibly result in an unexpected personal injury or a sudden early death. Never to underestimate all the insiduous violence having for so long bedevilled the seventh art, my love for filmmaking was never based on any professional competitive drive for fame and fortune. Since its humble beginnings in the late 19th century, cinema became increasingly more violent for political, economic, criminal, sexual and even spiritual reasons. Anyone who becomes involved with the spiritual forces at play in this story would be well advised to respect what lies beyond the realm of conventional human understanding. As Black Dhalia herself once taught me many years ago, death can sometimes be a way of life.

Always mindful of all this persecutory violence so often to afflict our troubled life journeys, a silent celestial war still rages on all across this vast world of ours. This ongoing struggle between light and darkness was never one to be taken frivolously. For this prescient reason only, may all the relevant powers that be take notice that no amount of financial persuasion has ever convinced me to abandon my spiritual values. In a world where only silence is truly golden, no man was ever wealthier than myself. Having sacrificed more in this life than most could possibly imagine, no beloved friend or trusted ally was ever cowardly left behind, not for any reason whatsoever. When the Book of Life is finally opened, may their names be proudly read with the same diligent care, and fearless distinction with which they were once written, so help me God.